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As part of my eco awareness (still nascent), i have taken up couple of resolutions.One of them is my plan to travel to office by BMTC bus once a week. This initiative is also aimed at what i call is  "connecting" with the out side world as i had reached dangerous proportions of staying in a little cocoon surrounded by sticky office stuff,

Nevertheless, these journeys are not new to me.. 95% of my student life has been spent in standing/clinging in these buses to reach to school and college. I have seen the dirty little Red bus transform into the light blue ones and making life little (just a little) easy for its commuters.

However, I stopped using these 6 years ago. the last time I used a bus was to attend an Interview in Koramangala in 2003, then I so very wanted to own a bike and go to places at my own will and not bound by the erratic times of these vehicles. Now, the Tables are turned. I am sick of the "door Service" of the cabs and a sinking feeling of traveling in a coffin surrounded with just the office atmosphere. This  was making me too sick and too boring. and as always, I wanted to break away from the vicious cycle of these things.

its been 4 weeks since I first started traveling in the bus to office. its been a pleasant change and honestly I am really getting the feel of connecting to the outside world. gone are those fridays where everyone goes out on a plastic "friday night mode" of binge drinking and partying to the real life of the individuals around me. this is what i saw last friday. It was 10 in the night and i could see some tired unknown faces, just heading back home and being in themselves. I thought nothing much has changed.Yes, gone are the days where people would strike up a conversation with you to pass time. thats now been replaced by mobiles and handsfree devices to listen to FM. some little technological advances, as if they are trying to live up to Bangalore's tech savy image.

all in all, its been really helpful to break the cocoon that i had built around me. I can safely say that this is one among many initiatives in coming months for me. I will start doing things like these.

amazing how things can pep me up and put a smile on my face :)

Its been a while since I made my life a little more curious and little more lively. I was sick of the routine " I hate my Job, Monotonous life" crap and told myself to perhaps take a look back and see if I could pick up something which would make my life a little more fun. well, I found a lot of things which i had dropped off over past year or so. Now is the time to pick up things and start experimenting (which i guess is the best way to keep my boredom away) and will update those right here!

I am excited!! and thats after a real long time! :)

One of my fren, during my weekly evening ritual ( hanging out near college and basically doing everything or nothing) asked my affinity to malleswaram and when it dates back to. the answer was baffling. 22 years. Yes, for 22 years I have spent my time in Malleswaram(btw, my residence has been some 6 Kms away and now some 10) . right from my Nursery days till 10th, then a brief haitus, and back for my graduation days.. I have seen this quaint little neighbourhood transform into a commercial hub, from the by lanes where we could get guaua for 25 p to the  Barista coffee houses. I have seen it all, been part of its transition and like all "just another bangalorean" wail the tree cuts.

Yes, I saw the unthinkable happen couple of days ago, when the road that leads to 18th cross was being expanded to handle the rush of vehicles, and yes, what more, that property belonged to IIsc. How much more can we give in for own growing demands? cant there be a better solution? do we need to punch holes in our air sacs in this manner? Why cant the damned authorities start "tolling" the narrow stretches? argh.. maybe these are just simple solutions. are we that blind not to see this?

The day is not far when we stop seeing "green" in the whole of bangalore. I may just need to take my camera and start clicking the snaps before its too late. atleast i can save snaps for our future generation.

Well, Maybe i am just paranoid

Sigh!!!!!!!!!!

One of the most compelling works i have ever read is on the life of the celebrated mathematician John Nash. when the movie came out in the year 2002, I hardly knew this person and his works. perhaps the only reason I wanted to watch the movie was due to the mathematical symbols chalked out on the glass windows. I,back then thought was pretty cool.

I did not get the concept of the game theory back then. I watched it couple of times and it was intriguing. I then stumbled across the biography of this great soul and its absolutely stunning. I've started to read this book for the second time and i can feel the "game". sadly the movie captures only a portion of his life and there are works which is much beyond the disproving of Adam Smith's invisible hand.

liked the below sentence schwartz says when Nash solves the embedding problem of manifolds by Reimann-


"(Nash) has the ability to continue punching the wall until the stone breaks"

This person never stops amazing me :)

I am happy when it embraces me
I am skecptical when it sticks to me
I am afraid when it gulps me
I am gone when its in me..........

I can see myself slipping into old patterns. mail which was not responded 2 months ago becomes an escalation. an unseen face asks me for explanation. wait a minute. who is that  banging the door so loudly. ah!! the courier guy who has something for me from NY. It says "farewell gift". am i being sacked or did i leave it when i came back from there 2 years ago. i cant seem to understand what the hell is just happening. ok... bring it on... just a lil hum, a lil laugh... a voice of a kid singing in the background. i am tripping on to the nice trance number. well the unseen face has a happy voice now... she is saying "this is all i wanted" i say thank you and walk out with my gift still lying there. crap where did i leave my bike keys now. i always forget these things. time to go home vikram. you had a hard day. well, its raining. i dont have a jacket. run up stairs and leave your lappy in your pedestal and dont you forget the key now.

i can smell the fresh air. the ring road is quite calm. wait a min, dad told me to get him something. argh.. i cant remember what is it now. i am angry now. i am forgetting many things. crap i did not send those meeting minutes over to my boss!! need to log in from home for just that thing.... hell why am i hearing the solo from fade to black... oh my mobile... what is it now! ok.. dude fine... i will approve tomm.. its not an urgent thing that i need to come back... phew.. stupid ppl.... whats those lights now... its so blinding white... i cant ride my bike now.... god!!! something is really weird now... my head is vibrating??? ridiculous. ok shake it up a little, time to go to coll too... no i am not going today.. too tired... ppl can wait if they want to.  time to trek too.. been a while..

i cant take the lane to my home today.. road digged up... ok.. dogs!! argh!!! whats with them... do they know that i have a little fear when i look at their teeth... whats the white one doing? why is it jumping on me!! no thats a helmet.. not a king size meat ball!!! crap... its licking my feet!! hell no its not... damn thing is trying to knead through its teeth.. infernal thing... need to tap its head and say its ok... phew...

time to sleep... no its not!!! time to read.. no guitar... hell just shut the lights... its dark now... and darkness is just pulling me in... pulling me in... sucking itself... quicksand!! no its black... bitumen mix... crap why cant i see them.. oh yes i can now.. thats the sea!! thats the clear blue sea... loads of people playing on the beach....ok dude!! you cant challenge me to come down there. i will come.. ok why are you running away? hell get lost, let me take it myself... bloody hell its a huge wave... 15 feet? 20? i can hear the screams from people.. i am smiling at them... the wave is approaching... receding... receding... hahaha, just touched my knees!!! come guys this is safe now.. you can play.

hell!! i cant see again, lemme open my eyes... i cant... i really cant... am i tied to a chair? no!! why are my limbs immovable.. and why are my eye lids so damn heavy. vikram, you can do it.. you can open.... .. yes I did!!





just the streetlight..... fan making some creaking voice...... thin film of sweat on my neck.... 3:00 in the morning. smile... and get back to sleep

sometimes i feel that i am a small receiver trying to tune myself on to a frequency. its an endless search and I get so much of a varied bandwidth of sounds... i take em all... still move forward relentlessly..

They show me high hopes and scream "wish you were here" .they then make me feel comfortably numb on their magical strings and  maroon(ed) me on the dark side of the moon.

they are here again... and they are pumping the delirium to my musical vein....


all i can hear is the heart beat pumping against "the time"

Ano Bhadra Kritvo Yantu Vishwatah

Ok, We are 4 days into 09 and the initial euphoria (??) has settled in. 08 for me has been a great year of lows. its a funny year where i got what i dreamt of getting and i made a nightmare of that dream. I had some wavering decisions, stubbed the confidence that i so proudly carry around.all in all, it was a great year of the lows.

so what did i take it from 08? apart from the run in the mill resolutions, i want to keep 09 a clean slate. a crystal clear year where in my pool of thoughts are not muddled by the waves of uncertainty (eh!). I want to shed my old skin, knock of the dust thats settled in  my bones and stand up and take charge. and i feel that though i could do this during anytime last year, I was simply bogged down by the unknown hand of doom!

I feel that i need to grow and grow big, start running and never look back.

 

If someone tries to snatch away something that is mine or of the people I Know, I would fight till i got it back or die getting it..... rather than staring at my surroundings or trying gather proof to the people whom i will think will help me....


Its so simple..... why wont people at power understand that!

What would you do when there is a piece of your past comes and stares at you? That part which you had completely removed from your active memory? and what more.... that piece is all set to guide you in your troubled times!!... i feel its completely out of a movie script....


That's what i am feeling currently....

Some Things in Life are rarely experienced by us. it might be an act of shame, feeling of being scrutinized, feeling of landing face first from above or being treated as the dumbest...... you clench your  fist, bury your anger and hope that  time moves as swift as possible, but still the thoughts wander... still a feeble voice inside will try to shout..... I am in the same frame of mind now. i know where i am, what i am (un) doing, what i want to do and where i want to be...... i am collecting the shattered thoughts and trying to regroup them... i am beginning to see the image of myself which is so different than what it used to be. I know that at every phase of life you need to alter some of your "own" to fit to the picture.... guess i am trimming those egoed corners of me to fit in...guess this is when i feel so different than what i am normally. the unknown fear grips, puts in the uncomfortable position that i used to feel when i was a child......


but i know, this is just another day, just another thought and just another experience which makes my canvas of life a little more colourful and little more lively

Theres a place I like to hide
A doorway that I run to in the night
Relax child, you were there
But only didnt realize it and you were scared
Its a place where you will learn
To face your fears, retrace the tears
And ride the whims of your mind

I just realised that  some habits are so infectious.... namely

1) putting long hours at work
2) putting long hours at work
3) putting long hours at work
4) sleeping at unholy hours
5) working your ass out

need to come out of it ASAP!!

 

2 events in a month which got all the attention of the world.

1) Eclipse
2) Quest for "The Beginning"

one thing which appalled me on these two was the theories placed behind these. bloody media ( cant care less even if i get sued for using this word) hyped these to such a magnum proportion so that actual events were masked by the rubbish theories surrounding that. these people glorified the  stupid theories of doomsday for the LHC!!!!!!! i mean, these guys would not even have known anything at all on the actual experiment itself.

I glanced the papers this morning to see what was their take on the LHC. one had put that on the headline ( deservingly!) and had asked for comments from an avid  "soap serial lover" on the experiment. WOW!!!! thats something i thought. i did not bother to get down on the comments, but there are reports that special prayers were held yesterday, as the people thought earth would end!.

we can perhaps spare time to think on the effort that was put. effort worth 20 years and countless minds at work. hunt for the "god particle". can we think how MR higg would have thought about the theory when he was strolling on the mountains? or perhaps with some frevor we can also think the bose of the boson ( it was coined on the remarkable findings of our own indian MR satyendra Nath Bose) and his contribution?

I do not want to go into the simple logic of falling shadows over 2 moving bodies, which people dread and shut shops

We would not head anywhere even if we were to establish the marvels of science, till a "BANG" happens within a human mind. maybe we can infuse 2 ions to hit at speed of thought to spark the knowledge within human brain!.... just a humble wish!